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May 5, 2010

Agony of The Common People

As long as populist news items like the pope’s refusal to use condom and Faisal Shahzad’s prank at the Times Square will continue to dominate the headlines, the mute sufferings of millions of common people in India will never get a voice. Unless you have personally witnessed the wretched condition of those people, you can not even begin to understand how complex life can get on Facebook, or Orkut, or on any other social network.

"Lend me your ears and I'll give you my cyber frustration." Image source: blogcdn.com

Fortunately, a section of the urban Indian population is coming forward to help the Social Networking Distressed Class (SNDC). As the first step, they have set up an agony-aunt column for the SNDC. The column is anchored by someone who introduces himself on Orkut as Pyaar Baba. It has been learnt that Pyaar Baba had committed Orkut-suicide four times between the years 2004 to 2008, and has learnt the lessons of social networking life in a hard way. He is using his own experience to lift the spirit of each one in SNDC and bring them back to the mainstream of social networking life. A cursory look at the column will reveal the wide popularity of Pyaar Baba’s column among the SNDC. Even though the questions may not directly talk about what the person is going through, the underlying pain is obvious in every word of the questions:

Q. Baba, I am 22-year-old man. My status is ‘committed’ on Orkut but ‘single’ on Facebook. I was going steady with my Orkut girlfriend for a year now. Recently, a Facebook girl started poking me often. She even gifted me an Olive Tree on Farmville. Yesterday, my Orkut girlfriend quizzed me about the Facebook-girl. I have a feeling that the Facebook-girl is actually my Orkut-girlfriend in another name. How do I handle this situation?
Pramod /\|\|/\|\||) from Jabalpur

PyaarBaba: If your Orkut-girlfriend is hot enough, there is no point in arguing with her. Copy some romantic poems from any damned site and spam her Scrapbook. Remember, meaningless scraps are girls’ best friends. Stop flirting with the Facebook-girl. If your Orkut-girlfriend is not hot enough, just commit Orkut-suicide and live your Facebook life happily with a new fish. There is no point in sticking to a not-so-hot cyber girlfriend who wouldn’t allow you space for flirting.

Q. Baba, I want to create a Twitter account with the username “IamSRK_ka_baap”. My girlfriend has threatened me that if I do that, she will stop writing on my wall and even delete our very first wall-to-wall conversation from her account. How can I convince her?
Karthik, Chennai

PyaarBaba: Wonder who agreed to become your girlfriend! Your RomanticIQ may be below zero. Couldn’t you choose any other ‘hero’ to be a father of? Choose some good actor, or even a decent actor, and she will be fine. Then she may even open an account on Twitter to declare herself as the mother of that actor.

Q. hey dude i think i should use random lines from random bollywood songs as my status on facebook. you think that’s a girl-magnet idea? cheers.
Party in the USA, Ludhiana

PyaarBaba: Don’t call me ‘dude’, you m***erf*cking bast*rd.

Q. Baba, I am a twenty one year old woman. After my Facebook-boyfriend committed Facebook-suicide and started flirting with a hottie in his next birth on Facebook, I turned to potato chips and Treasure Isle to forget him. Now I got so addicted to Treasure Isle that it is affecting my cyber sex-life. I have tried a lot of things to get rid of this addiction but haven’t yet been able to. Please help.
Rijuta Das, Durgapur

PyaarBaba: Why don’t you invite that ‘hottie’ to a shady community forum and then rough her up? Before doing that, please check how lucky you are going to be on that day. I would suggest that you should not take a chance unless you are at least 82% lucky. Other than that, you may try different spiritual exercises. They help you get rid of mundane addictions. Try the How Spiritual Are You quiz and try to achieve a score of sixteen out of twenty. What FRIENDS Character Are You and Who Is Your Celebrity Twin Soul are two very spiritually entertaining quizzes. Once you get addicted to those informative and revealing quizzes, you will automatically lose interest in Treasure Isle.

Q. PyaarBaba, it is now a known fact that showing cleavage causes earthquakes. But if I don’t show a little on my profile picture, guys will think ……. you know it na Baba? Now, our apartment is on the tenth floor and I am afraid that even a mild earthquake may be dangerous for us. I have a very ….. you know ….. photo taken recently. I want to know if I can put that photo as my profile picture without causing an earthquake.
Ranjitha, Bangalore

PyaarBaba: It’s a very tricky situation. I suggest that you first send me that photo, and all other important photos ……… you know it na Ranjithe? It will also be helpful if you can send me some …. you know …. videos, too.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Pyaar Baba has also started a sign-the-petition public campaign to have a 40% quota for the SNDC on Orkut, Facebook etc. We are not yet sure what the quota is for, but you may sign your name on the comments-page below. These signatures will be redirected to Pyaar Baba’s petition.
.

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42 Comments »

  1. 😀 Love it!

    Comment by phoenix — May 6, 2010 @ 5:24 AM

  2. man, this is hilarious…..i already have a few questions for pyaar baba
    did you copy the pattern of questions and ansers frm a real column…it is very similar to mind over matters in sunday times, but i guess it is similar to any agony aunt colmn
    <> is the best 🙂
    keep rockin…..i mised being the first commentator this time

    Comment by Pranay — May 6, 2010 @ 7:14 AM

    • Thanks. Doesn’t matter if you’re the first one to make a comment. I’m glad to have a regular reader 🙂

      I’ll edit your comment. You used “<<" that is considered as html tag. better use quotation marks for quoting text.

      Comment by Raja — May 6, 2010 @ 9:02 AM

  3. Trust you to write this post. Some nuances like “Jabalpur”, “RanjitHa”, etc. cracked me up.

    Comment by PreeOccupied — May 6, 2010 @ 8:57 AM

  4. lol!! awesome post..u need to post more often:-)

    Please forward my question to baba..I love Ranbir Kapoor. I am his friend on facebook and twitter, I stand everyday in front on his house, go to all his shoots. call him 10 times a day..I even pushed Deepika Padukone once…How do I take my relationship to the next level?

    Comment by Sonali — May 6, 2010 @ 2:27 PM

    • Thanks you 😀
      Don’t ask such questions to Baba. Baba might ask for your photographs ….. you know …. 😉

      (btw, are you _that_ crazy about about RK?)

      Comment by Raja — May 6, 2010 @ 3:02 PM

      • naah…I wanted to hear what baba would say;-)

        Comment by Sonali — May 6, 2010 @ 6:19 PM

        • Baba may get real dealing with real life ‘issues’. Baba thinks that if you have such crush on someone, and if you think you’re worthy of ‘getting’ that someone, …….. well, what’s holding you back? You got the direction, and you got the fuel. Use them.

          Comment by Raja — May 7, 2010 @ 7:29 AM

  5. lOL first then seriously this is an eye opener…just like my friend i too felt like banging my head against the wall after signing up to one social networking site but hey i think if i need my daily dose of laffs i don’t have to wait for ur posts now and definitely not join some laughter club which requires me to hit the grounds all shining and new just when slumber is the sweetest. Pyaar Baba!! really!!!:)

    Comment by shivani — May 6, 2010 @ 10:37 PM

    • Thanks for reading.
      For daily dose of laughter, start playing FarmVille or other such games. Once you get addicted, you will get plenty of reasons to laugh ….. at yourself 😛

      Comment by Raja — May 7, 2010 @ 7:31 AM

  6. Brilliant man..Love it…

    That facebook suicide facebook rebirth thing was too good…

    What sarcasm what humor..

    I am hooked bro

    Comment by Nish — May 6, 2010 @ 11:12 PM

    • And by the way, that earthquake thing is true kya 🙂

      Comment by Nish — May 6, 2010 @ 11:13 PM

      • Thanks for reading. I have read your blog, and all I can say is that I am going to blogroll it 🙂
        The boobquake thing has been the funniest coincidence in the recent past

        Comment by Raja — May 7, 2010 @ 7:33 AM

  7. Pyaar baba ji jai! 😛

    Comment by Arjit — May 7, 2010 @ 2:52 AM

  8. It so reminded me of “Shanonda’s Kaane Kaane”. The queries used to be so intriguing and scandalous for a 15 year old me.

    And that’s how I picked up my barely existent Bangla reading skills.

    You were funny and yet managed to drive home the point.

    Comment by Purba — May 8, 2010 @ 12:54 AM

  9. 🙂

    Comment by sushmita — May 10, 2010 @ 12:46 PM

  10. how do i get to know when you post something new??? unaware of how your blog works..see no link for follow up or notification of new posts??

    Comment by sushmita — May 10, 2010 @ 12:48 PM

    • There is an email subscription option. See at the bottom of the right sidebar.

      Comment by Raja — May 10, 2010 @ 1:00 PM

  11. This is hilarious!

    Comment by Vishal — May 10, 2010 @ 2:59 PM

  12. Shobi to bujhlam gyaner heno-teno, kintu Raja tomar naamta Raja holo keno?

    😛

    (Chondril-er lyrics ektu jherechi).

    Comment by Anirban — May 10, 2010 @ 3:55 PM

  13. oh my my! Did I tell you how much i love reading your postS?? I love reading your posts, including this one! Hilarious!!

    Comment by sands — May 10, 2010 @ 4:06 PM

  14. Your sarcasm is just too good!!! Loved it 😀

    Comment by Kosha — May 11, 2010 @ 8:03 AM

  15. Brilliant !! I am one of those “old school” people who just cannot get to liking FB or Twitter or Orkut. Your post poked me in the right places …. wink wink !!

    Comment by le embrouille blogueur — May 11, 2010 @ 2:23 PM

  16. Hi there,

    Thanks for commenting on my blog / n its been fun reading your blog n esp this post which tells of this crazy guy pbaba.. 😛
    I dont understand how people believe in solving their personal issues with someone else when the solution to one’s problems is always with self.

    Happy to see the crowd enjoying your blog and push some to my site too ;).. I am new to bloggin as you see.. 🙂

    Comment by Bedlam — May 11, 2010 @ 6:10 PM

  17. Here’s the blog I want the traffic for 😛

    http://sunin-virgo.blogspot.com/

    Comment by Bedlam — May 11, 2010 @ 6:25 PM

    • Thanks for visiting.

      I wonder how much traffic you may generate through that comment of yours. Sometimes people do not like such ads for blogs. But I wish you success nonetheless 🙂

      Comment by Raja — May 12, 2010 @ 10:00 AM

  18. funny 🙂

    Comment by Suvarna S Krishnan — May 14, 2010 @ 5:12 AM

  19. Was not able to read it till the end. It is funny but it is common stuff… pyare baba concept is new though 🙂

    Will blogroll this one

    Comment by Voice — May 16, 2010 @ 5:21 AM

  20. I hereby sign the petition.

    Comment by Kaushik Chatterji — June 27, 2010 @ 2:42 AM

    • Thank you. You’ve helped the Socially Bullied Class on Facebook

      Comment by Raja — June 28, 2010 @ 9:29 AM


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