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August 31, 2006

Futility

Filed under: Sojourn — Tags: — Raja @ 11:16 PM
 

“because in that moment you’ll have gone so farI’ll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?”

I’ve lost. Finally.

“Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
When I am sad and feel you are far away?
The book fell that always closed at twilight
And my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.
Always, always you recede through the evenings
Toward the twilight erasing statues.”

And it happened to my days also. It used to be the break between classes when I’d feel like talking to you. When I’d miss you. When I’d think of you. You gradually consumed the class durations, too. And then my evenings, the time before my sleep, ………… my days, my nights – every second of it ………… every nanosecond of it.

“and it’s getting stupid. u know why, ‘coz I can stand nothing, no one coming between us.
‘coz even when I’m talking to someone and enjoying it, I wish it were u.
‘coz even if someone shows a bit of his interest in me, I feel violated.
‘coz if someone so much as looks at u, I wish they were my eyes.
‘coz hours not spent with u are hours wasted.
‘coz nothing else matters if I’m with u.
‘coz nothing else matters if u’r not with me.
‘coz nothing, but u matter.”

And you did it to my thoughts. You devoured my mind and heart in such a ruthless way that I won’t be able to think/act/breath if I stop thinking of you.

“If I close my eyes
will she go away!
If I stop breathing
is it easier to live!”

And I started fearing death now. I don’ wanna die. Don’ wanna go anywhere leaving the world where you live.

But I didn’t lose by losing myself to you. I didn’t lose by losing you to him. I lost because of your diplomatic love!

*

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29 Comments »

  1. there is soo many love related blog post now a days that it make me think that entire world is in love except me. but most of them are crashing, so am i on the better side. watever…*why orkutting,chatting etc *ups and downs are in every story*c u arnd soon…

    Comment by Voice — January 15, 2006 @ 1:07 AM

  2. well…we need to talk 😉

    Comment by Saras — January 15, 2006 @ 10:55 AM

  3. It seems tera bhi KLPD ho gaya…abe Oye.. chashmaa utaar ..duniya dekh !!Give a second try, and be happy !!

    Comment by Samyak — January 15, 2006 @ 9:43 PM

  4. :-0m bewildered…waise one question… its you or yous? 😀and yeah overall the post was intersting 🙂and y r u off from blogging and chatting and stuff…com on…

    Comment by kosha — January 16, 2006 @ 12:03 AM

  5. <>Off from Blogging, Orkutting and Chatting<>wht is this [:o]

    Comment by Aurora — January 16, 2006 @ 6:19 AM

  6. This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Comment by Surabhi — January 16, 2006 @ 10:45 PM

  7. Hey Indrajit,Hope you feel better and that things look up for you soon.

    Comment by Surabhi — January 16, 2006 @ 10:47 PM

  8. Raja, I don’t want to comment. Not here.But don’t stop blogging, please! And the other things too

    Comment by Rani — January 17, 2006 @ 1:39 AM

  9. Hey Just wanted to say that I really liked some of the snaps on Flickr/Photoblog of yours. Don’t have a flickr account so I’m commenting here. Hope to see more- though I take it you’re on a temporary leave from the virtual world. So hope to see something new soon !

    Comment by Deepali — January 17, 2006 @ 10:16 AM

  10. HELLO!THERE’S A SONG OF ‘YARDBIRDS’:‘STILL I’M SAD…’.I FEEL THIS WHEN I HAVE READ YOUR POST.Nota bene:THE MUSIC NEVER LIES!Written by GYULAfrom Hungary in a bad moment.

    Comment by Gyula — January 17, 2006 @ 1:51 PM

  11. please keep blogging…i love your poems and photographs…it is like a breath of a fresh air in a tired afternoon….

    Comment by Dush — January 17, 2006 @ 6:21 PM

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    Comment by joeygreene9908 — January 21, 2006 @ 1:08 AM

  13. Beautiful photos from India, thanks to visit me, I like very much GOA in India, is so nice place…

    Comment by Reino do Algarve — January 21, 2006 @ 2:58 PM

  14. thanks for dropping by, you have a nice blog too 🙂

    Comment by San — January 22, 2006 @ 1:02 PM

  15. Amazing pic… too gud

    Comment by Lalit Singh — January 29, 2006 @ 9:18 AM

  16. Greetings from Portugal.Great photo and a great text.BB)O(

    Comment by MacLord — January 30, 2006 @ 12:28 PM

  17. “and it’s getting stupid. u know why, ‘coz I can stand nothing, no one coming between us.‘coz even when I’m talking to someone …..”is this from a song or is it your own work???

    Comment by Deepali — February 13, 2006 @ 9:43 PM

  18. I don’t know if it’s a song, Deepa. I took it from here –> http://radha-krishna.blogspot.com/2005/11/i-love-you.html

    Comment by . R.A.J.A . — February 13, 2006 @ 9:57 PM

  19. Ahh. It sounds original up there – either way I’ll link to that. radha-krishna???? didn’t think I’d see that with you in it 😛

    Comment by Deepali — February 14, 2006 @ 12:05 AM

  20. why didn’t u expect? u may notice that Radhika is one of the characters in my blogs

    Comment by . R.A.J.A . — February 14, 2006 @ 7:09 AM

  21. seemed a bit religiously sweet to me so I s’pose that’s why.

    Comment by Deepali — February 14, 2006 @ 11:19 AM

  22. well, I confirmed it. it’s written by her (I shud’ve guessed, tho’). She’s a wonderful writer. other than u, I’ve seen few people who can play as much with words as her

    Comment by . R.A.J.A . — February 14, 2006 @ 3:07 PM

  23. i really liked that particular work of hers so I do see what you mean. very appropriate too unfortunately. *sigh* such is life.

    Comment by Deepali — February 14, 2006 @ 4:46 PM

  24. 🙂Love is complicated but as usual ur words touched me .. i must say no matter what life goes on ..and w/o saying giving gyaan or anyelse ..Beautiful post 🙂

    Comment by Banvri — November 14, 2008 @ 11:05 AM

  25. [i]’coz even when I’m talking to someone and enjoying it, I wish it were u.‘coz even if someone shows a bit of his interest in me, I feel violated.‘coz if someone so much as looks at u, I wish they were my eyes.‘coz hours not spent with u are hours wasted.[/i]can word bring tears in someone’s eyes ?

    Comment by Banvri — November 14, 2008 @ 11:20 AM

  26. i really hope you are over that period (when all these posts came)…in case you actually wrote them inspired by real events in your life…. i hope your soulmate at present has wiped out all the pain.. my god … it is becoming little difficult for me to continue.. it sounds so much like me that i am being dragged to that part of life where i don’t want to be… you sound so much like me!!! …i am almost feeling choked…

    Comment by Sushmita — December 12, 2008 @ 4:46 AM

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    Comment by yes — February 1, 2010 @ 5:37 PM

  28. This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Comment by 文章 — February 15, 2010 @ 3:53 AM

  29. This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Comment by 日月神教-向左使 — April 12, 2010 @ 8:38 AM


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