. Informed . Opinions .

November 8, 2005

Divided We Stand

Filed under: India, The Grand Circus — Tags: , — Raja @ 2:53 PM

[I’ve received a lot of chain-mails in which some/all of the major Indian languages/cultures have been ridiculed. I got an e-mail today with similar content, but to an extreme degree. I find it hilarious, though some others may find it offensive. I haven’t changed the content, but have corrected a few spelling mistakes here. The original sender (as I could guess from the chain) is from a state for which no bad thing is written (and most of the senders/recipients of the chain are from that state :-p). Guess which state he is from :-?]

The Southies:
They are all the same from all the four (or are there five?) states. Can be called African Indians. Sometimes maintain conservation of ‘h’ (writes Baarath instead of Bhaarat), sometimes adds some extra (seen this spelling: Nandhinee) (oh, btw, the letter is called ‘heich’!!). Never looked beyond the weird, dark and fat heroes like Chiranjeevi, Rajinikanth etc. Worship Muruga, Balaji (supposed ‘god’s), Kushboo and Rajkumar (human beings, I guess. May even be movie-stars!) with equal fanaticism. Wear fur-coats in Chennai winter! Did you know, ‘yes’ is pronounced as ‘ess’ and the letter ‘s’ as ‘yes’?! Proud of their languages and cultures, but aren’t very sure as to what those things are!!
[Contrary to popular belief, a lot of Southies can speak fluent Hindi (Hindhi)]

The People from the Cow-Belt:
These semi-humans are found in the states of Bihar, MP, Punjab, UP, Hariyana and Delhi. Traditionally hired by other Indians as watchmen/domestic help/manual labor. Worship anything that moves – including monkeys, cows or even human penis! They look down upon other Indians but love the ‘Itlians’ and ‘Amricaans’. Some code-words used by them are ‘Farbary’ (February) ‘saaft-ire’ (software) ‘May-rij’ (amarriage) etc. Everyone of them is a good song-writer since they easily rhyme the lines by making them end with a ‘hai’. The bridegroom wears a garland of currency notes and rides a mule, and often lands up in a circus! ‘Loin’ and ‘Taigar’ are both known as ‘sher’ to them. They probably learn that in their Jaw-graphy course!! It seems increasingly possible that Cow-belt men will have to marry their cows soon because of the female foeticide/infancide fashion trend in these states.
[Contrary to popular belief, some of these cow-belt people are now more educated than their cows!! One theory says that they got some genes from educated cows!]

The Bongs:
The good-for-nothing people from ‘Wesht’ Bengal and Tripura. ‘Amorto Shen’ and ‘Shourobh’ Ganguly may be the only famous bongs after the British patronage is gone. An entire race of narcissists and ‘communists’. Absolutely suck where physical strength is needed. Worship some weird looking ‘gods’/’goddesses’. Has only one ‘city’ (which is actually a huge urinal) between the two states. Monkey-cap is an essential part of clothing, even in summer.
[Contrary to popular belief, Bongs pronounce ‘wedding’ as ‘waydding’ and not as ‘bedding’]

The Rajputs:
Still basking in the glory of some supposed exploitations of their ancestors. They could never win any important battle, never commanded over a large part of India, and were forced out of their homeland by the Mughals a lot of times. But the hero-deprived country has tagged them as the saviors!! The women are good at committing suicide and the men at bragging. The least-achievers among all Indians!
[Contrary to popular belief, Rajputs don’t eat the corpses after honor-killing!]

The Sardars:
They serve the world as taxi/truck drivers. Their literature, their culture, their everything revolves around Bhangra, and Bhangra, in turn, revolves around only one tune!
[Contrary to popular belief, some sardars now know that it’s not “fusion of Bhangra and Rape“, but “fusion of “Bhangra and Rap“.]

The Ghatis/Marathis:
Their only claim to glory is Shivaji. They have done absolutely nothing ever since. Even the city that they are so proud of, Mumbai, is contribution of the British and then Gujjus and Punjus. Typically uncivilized and illiterate, but megalomaniac. Big-time fans of elephants, and even worship them!
[Contrary to popular belief, not all Marathis sleep in suburb trains]

The Gujjus:
The group of people with the most obnoxious habits and accent! Can do nearly anything for money! Usually have the same height and width. Usually live in a small place in great numbers. The dirtier the place, they happier they are.
[Contrary to popular belief, Gujjus don’t sell their family members]

The Oriyas:
Good at cooking and gardening. And only that! The eternal masochists – get floods, draughts and storms every year and still remain as callous as ever, probably enjoying the deaths around! Have ill-feelings towards every non-Oriya Indian!
[Contrary to popular belief, Oriyas don’t dance while sleeping]

The Tribes of the North-East:
Very little is known about them, other than the fact that they eat dog-barf as a delicacy!! Experiments are on to see if they are capable of reading and writing!
[No popular belief yet!]

The Marwaris:
The epitome of kanjoos-pana. Ideally they’d do without showers, because water costs money afterall. But if they’d lose ‘bijness’ for this reason, they try to look upon it as ‘investment’.
[Contrary to popular belief, they do not hide their gold in matkas buried in their backyards. They ask for Godrej steel almirahs in the dowry]

Advertisements

19 Comments »

  1. And the answer is ‘United States’! 😀

    Comment by Ritesh — November 8, 2005 @ 9:33 PM

  2. May be. I’m not sure if he’s in US (by the use of term African Indian, it seems that the guy’s in US)

    Comment by The Thinker — November 8, 2005 @ 10:20 PM

  3. Bihar.Funny fwd..though I feel I’ve read it once upon a time in some inbox!

    Comment by Phoenix — November 9, 2005 @ 6:16 AM

  4. Bihar reit created sm problems here in our college..finally ended up in a fight and now peace..

    Comment by Mohan Kodali — November 9, 2005 @ 6:32 AM

  5. u should have posted this there..(garbagoscope)?

    Comment by Mohan Kodali — November 9, 2005 @ 6:35 AM

  6. the guy’s last name is Malhotra@Chandu: I’m surprised that ppl took the mail seriously and created problems!!Garbegoscope will be removed. So I didn’t put anything there

    Comment by . R.A.J.A . — November 9, 2005 @ 7:57 AM

  7. Punjab? 😕

    Comment by Rani — November 9, 2005 @ 7:58 AM

  8. [Contrary to popular belief, i don’t guess much.]I just draw logical conclusion which other overlook…:D. not amusing…neither offensive.just PENSIVE JK, HP, Goa, some more state left……but not guessing 😛

    Comment by Voice — November 9, 2005 @ 8:45 AM

  9. @Rani: u think like me < ):)@Bhav: good guess :-p

    Comment by The Thinker — November 9, 2005 @ 12:30 PM

  10. I don’t think.U do the thinking for both of us :-p

    Comment by Rani — November 9, 2005 @ 1:31 PM

  11. i guess a ABCD i mean confused desi 😛but he can be RAJASTHANI ..wat say

    Comment by Chitrangada — November 14, 2005 @ 10:33 AM

  12. Aren’t Malhotras Khatris [ my source is A Suitable Boy so if I am wrong don’t jump/pounce]? And I understood Khatris as Sindhis so maybe that is why [although I can make a LOT of fun of sindhis-infact they’re my favourite bakras. Hey! I am allowed for all that ‘cow-belt’ talk]. He forgot to honour the marwaris, the epitome of kanjoos-pana.[this is where i hope no marwari here reads this :P] Ideally they’d do without showers, because water costs money afterall. But then they’d lose bijness so they try to look upon it as ‘investment’. [Contrary to popular belief, they do not hide their gold in matkas buried in their backyards. They ask for Godrej steel almirahs in the dowry]

    Comment by Deepali — February 1, 2006 @ 9:00 PM

  13. The sender is mostly from Delhi. The only city/state not accused shamelessly…

    Comment by Ranade — February 27, 2014 @ 12:17 AM

  14. The previous is now carried out on a Sunday on neutral ground.

    The champion of the UEFA Champions Group permits for the UEFA Incredible Cup and the FIFA Group World Cup UEFA
    Europe Group historically in the previous referred to as UEFA Cup was recognized in 1955
    as the Inter-Towns Festivals Cup which was performed till 1971 when it was overtaken by the
    UEFA and re-launched as the UEFA Cup From the 2009-2010 period the
    competitors champions league passes was relabeled
    as the UEFA Europe Group with an added sixteen
    types determining for the major levels of
    the rivals, enhancing the quantity of types to 12 with 4 groups each.

    Comment by world cup — March 31, 2014 @ 5:27 PM

  15. In Team D , Uruguay will be the shock team. They will recover their form, get home-continent assistance and exceptional performances from
    the likes of Suarez and Cavani, and of course even a rejuvenated Forlan, to leading
    the group. They will beat a weak England and tie a difficult but not but in synch Italy
    (who will either draw or scarcely conquer England), and yet clobber
    Costa Rica. The Central Individuals will play Italy and England harder than both European group has explanation
    to feel and that surprise will make for unforeseen score lines.
    In the end, although, the greatest progress.

    The penultimate recreation of the 2nd round was performed
    on Sunday June sixteen, at the Setsoto Stadium in Maseru,
    Lesotho. Ghana received that sport by two unanswered ambitions, with Rennes defender
    John Boye opening the scoring and Gyan extending his report to 35
    goals. But Ghana was most overjoyed simply because of what occurred in the group’s other recreation the day before,
    when Sudan held house aspect Zambia to a 1-1 rating. This intended that Ghana leap-frogged Zambia in the
    group standings. Ghana now topped Team D with twelve points and a constructive goal variation of
    fourteen, forward of Zambia who boasted a level and six
    ambitions considerably less.

    Comment by live soccer world cup — March 31, 2014 @ 11:53 PM

  16. Television set on pc software has gotten a whole lot of push for allowing you look at the World Cup on the web, with no really obtaining to be there correct when the
    game titles take place. Just like with most on-line content material, you don’t have
    to be there “in the minute” to capture each and every 2nd of the action.
    Because tv on pc software allows you catch the game titles anytime you want to by recording and conserving them, most folks sing the praises of that capability.
    After all, everyone is so busy, it is a ponder we still have time to brush our teeth,
    enable on your own view the World Cup.

    So much I have viewed almost all the matches that have
    been performed in the 2010 World Cup soccer event.
    When I see a free kick near to the aim booted straight towards the goal
    sail large above it and nowhere around on focus on, I cringe.
    Not everybody can “bend it like Beckham” (referring to David Beckham’s skill
    at scoring from cost-free kicks by “bending” or curving the ball past a wall of defenders).
    In watching this happen above and over again I cannot
    assist but surprise what has occurred to the set performs teams utilized to perform when presented a
    totally free shot in assortment of the aim.

    Comment by fifa world cup game — March 31, 2014 @ 11:54 PM

  17. Right after the ” Spectacular Magyars ,” led
    by Ferenc Puskas and Sandor Kocsis, handed West Germany an
    8-three humiliation in the initial spherical, nobody gave the Germans considerably possibility in the ultimate.
    Hungary was broadly regarded as to be the ideal team in the world.
    True to that moniker, Hungary took a 2- lead early in the game.

    What took place subsequent-far from currently being the coronation ceremony that
    everybody assumed-was merely the biggest comeback in World Cup history.
    West Germany scored a few unanswered objectives and captured the Jules Rimet trophy in front of the stunned Swiss spectators.

    Comment by fifa world cup brasil — April 1, 2014 @ 10:14 AM

  18. La Roja’s most infamous moment known as The Roberto Rojas Scandal (also acknowledged in Chile
    as the “Maracanazo”) transpired on three September 1989.
    In the course of a 1990 FIFA World Cup qualifying match at Rio de Janeiro’s Maracan
    stadium, Brazil led Chile one-. A defeat for Chile would eradicate them from the
    event. At all around the 67-minute mark, Chilean goalkeeper
    Roberto “Cndor” Rojas fell to the pitch with an
    evident injuries to his forehead. A firework, thrown from the stands by a
    Brazilian fan named Rosemary de Mello, was smouldering aboutproperty absent.
    The match went unfinished.

    Comment by football world cup games 2010 — April 1, 2014 @ 11:17 PM

  19. The Swiss team also known as “Schweizer Nati” has 8 World Cup appearances.

    Regardless of getting an arranged side, the
    Swiss experienced a bumpy road to South Africa.
    Following conceding in the ultimate minute to attract away to Israel, a disastrous two-one defeat to
    minnows Luxembourg in Zurich introduced shame and shame on the group.
    Nevertheless, the defeat ultimately acted as a wake-up phone,
    and the Swiss duly reeled off five wins on the spin,
    from Latvia (2-1), Greece (two-one and two-) and Moldova (two- and two-).
    They only dropped factors yet again in a 2-two attract away to the
    Latvians.

    Comment by football world cup 2010 games to play online — April 2, 2014 @ 12:25 AM


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Please share your opinion

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: